Sunday, December 18, 2011

Back to "Normal"

It has been almost 3 weeks since I finished both chemotherapy and radiation! My body has begun healing and I'm starting to feel "normal" again. I use quotations because I'm adjusting to a new normal. If you've seen me in person, you know I look completely "normal." Lucky for me, my internal organs are regenerating too. Any pain I have now is random. I get random joint pains, that were actually very painful for three nights. I've added calcium into my vitamin regimen and Aleeve helps take the joint pain away. For as good as I feel now, it feels like I was a normal 26 year old before the surgery and now I'm like a 50-something year old menopausal woman with joint pains and hot flashes! The only lingering issue is my incision. Three months since the surgery and the staples have not dissolved. Three bubbles appeared along the incision which resulted in a staph infection. They had to open and drain the bubbles and put me on a round of antibiotics. Two of the three bubbles are healing properly and one will have to be drained again tomorrow. Ugh... Hopefully this will be the last of my incision troubles. Until then, yoga pants or sweats it is. My post treatment scan and follow-up appointment are in January. The day is TBD, but I'll be sure to post when the time comes!

The weeks since the completion of treatment have flown by and I'm officially ready for Christmas! I leave Christmas night to spend four days at my dad's cabin in Kingvale. When I return, I've got to begin the job hunt. I have enjoyed every last minute of my time off, but I am ready to return to the working world. I'm searching for an Executive Assistant / Administrative Assistant position in the area. I've made a conscious decision to find a job where I can focus on that happy work/life balance. After six years in the Event and Food Service industry, I'm ready to transition into something new. I'm very thankful for my time at Catta Verdera. Whatever I do in the future, I know I can handle anything!

Off to finish wrapping presents! I hope everyone has a happy, healthy and MERRY CHRISTMAS!

XOXO Britni

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Photos Galore!

My mom just helped me upload a TON of photos to www.theprincessandthec.com! We tried to incorporate all of the photos taken so far, but some are kinda blurry and some were VERY blurry. I apologize if a photo of you and I didn't make it to the site due to the blur! I hope you enjoy a glimpse into this crazy journey I'm on.

XOXO Britni

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Holy "O"

Two days into week 5 and I'm exhausted. The cumulative nature of the side effects is true! I have to admit, I'm most comfortable when I'm lying in bed or on the couch. Overall, I am just wiped out. This past Friday and Saturday were the worst yet. The nausea was overwhelming. When I was in the shower on Saturday, my vision became blurry, I got dizzy and both my ears plugged. I got out and laid in bed for the rest of the day. I had to cancel my movie plans with Felicia because I just couldn't get over the nausea.  Things calmed down on Sunday. Just in time to have chemo again on Monday. Nick took me to chemo and radiation this time. I took Ativan to relax and drank lots of water on Sunday, but it still took two pricks to get into a vein.  My nurse actually put the IV in a vein that's in between my wrist and thumb.  My wrist is a bit sore today. It is hard open bottles.
  Chemo was definitely interesting. Besides entertaining ourselves with and angry birds battle, Nick and I had a front row seat to another patient being taken out of the chemo suite on a gurney. He was having chest pains, so they took him to the ER.  Oddly enough the building I go to for chemo is not considered the hospital (even though it's on the grounds of the Roseville hospital). So the nurses are required to call an ambulance just like you would at home. Six EMT's showed up (a little overkill?!) and took him out. He was a very cute elderly man who said "I'm still awake, I can walk!" After being convinced that the gurney is protocol, he hoped on. "Fine" he said, "but I'm not leaving here in a body bag!" Hopefully everything turned out well for him.
  I spoke with my chemo oncologist and got a prescription for what I'm calling the Holy "O"!  Tincture of Opium. That's right people, liquid opium. It's the last resort they can offer me to help with the diarrhea.  I'm supposed to take .6ml four times a day until the diarrhea stops. We'll see how long it takes! I thought it would make me loopy, but I actually don't feel anything. It doesn't even make me tired. I should say it doesn't make me more tired than I already am!  Tomorrow, I see my radiation doc, get radiation and then see my chemo doc. I learned too late on Monday that I could have switched to a higher anti-nausea drug, so I'll be reviewing my last set of IV's for chemo next Monday. Cross your fingers for me that the nausea doesn't knock me out again this weekend! It's time to begin the countdown; 3 more radiation treatments and 1 chemo! Hot friggin' dog! Once the treatments are over it will take 4-6 weeks for the side effects to go away. The radiation side effects- sunburn, inflamed organs/tissues, diarrhea, and fatigue- will take the longest to go away. Hopefully I won't need the opium that whole time! 
 So what about after treatment? I wait two months and then go back in for another PET/CT scan. The two month wait is to let my body rebuild after being torn apart for six weeks.  If the cancer shows up on the scan, then well decide what to do then. However, I know it won't!  That means it's back to living a normal cancer free life! I'll get a scan every three months for two years, then every six months for the following three years. At five years, I'll be medically cured!  Thanksgiving this week means yummy dinners with the families and the second year of black Friday shopping with my niece Brooke! We're doing it at midnight this year! 4am was brutal last year, and mornings are even harder for me now. I feel the best at night, so this Thursday night/ Friday morning should be a breeze.
Thanksgiving and Christmas are my favorite holidays. I look forward to chilly weather, crackling fires, hot chocolate, Christmas lights and family gatherings all year long! Thanksgiving is the kick-off for me, and as you can probably guess, this year is even more special. This holiday season is going to be amazing, I can feel it. 
I need to say a great big THANK YOU! to all of my mom's colleagues at Sierra College who participated in making me an unbelievably beautiful quilt! 38 people took the time to decorate a square before they had them beautifully sewn together into a quilt. It is an extremely touching gift that I will never forget.  Thank you again to everyone who participated. 
It's time to hit the sack. Big day of doctors appointments tomorrow. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Enjoy your food comas! I know I will... I love myself some stuffing!  XOXO Britni

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Middle of week 4! Whoo-hoo!

Back in the chair for my fourth chemo treatment this past Monday. It took 2 needle pricks to find a good vein this time. Good thing this weather calls for long sleeves because my arms make me look like I have a drug habit. I have one large and medium bruise on my left forearm and five small bruises on my right forearm! Only 2 chemo treatments and 8 radiation treatments left!

 I had a very relaxing weekend- spent about 18-20 hours each day in bed. I caught the cold my mom had. Luckily for me it was just nasal congestion and a mild cough. I took a nasal decongestant on Sunday and that with a massive amount of rest seems to have cleared it up. I don't feel 100% today, but I don't even know if that's possible with everything else going on. The "D" is still an issue too, but I've added percocet into my regimen of pills. This narcotic along with the stronger imodium like drug they prescribed has helped slow things down in my intestines. 

On a bad note, another spot on my incision opened up. It's a small superficial opening, but there is a bigger fluid pocket below it too. I visited one of my doctor's after chemo and thankfully he said the opening and fluid pocket are not infected. I just have to keep a close eye on them.  The problem is more of the staples are making their way to the surface. I'm VERY weary about pulling the exposed staples out. I think it opens up the hole deeper. I'd rather they come out on their own and I cover them with a bandaid until they are fully out. I thought that skin around my incision would be numb, but it's actually very sensitive. I would be able to feel the staples being removed if they took the tweezers to them. My doctor agreed to let me do it my way since none of the staples are sticking out far enough yet to pry on. 

On a good note, I'm excited to see Tower Heist with Diana today. Then Suzanne is coming over to make Chicken & Dumplings on Thursday! Yummy! No big plans for Friday and Saturday other than relaxing more and then it's time to celebrate Nicholas's 6th Birthday on Sunday.  Now if only I could heal my friend Sarah and her adorable boys of their flus. They have been sick for WAY to long so I haven't been able to visit with them!! 

I hope everyone out there got a flu shot and is staying happy and healthy!! A little over a week until Thanksgiving! I love the fall & winter and all the family centered holidays they bring. Can't wait to stuff myself like a turkey with the rest of you! One thing is for sure, this Cancer may have given me some side effects, but it hasn't taken away my appetite! I'm still losing weight too (best diet plan ever! Hehehe) 

XOXO Britni 

Friday, November 11, 2011

4th times a charm in week 3

What a week! I had such a nice time with Xenia and Justin in Napa. I'm so thankful I have wonderful friends who flew across the country to visit me. It was also a treat to see my brother! While our time together was short, it's always nice to get a hug from your big bro. My mom's birthday dinner and night out was a ton of fun too. Suzanne, Sarah, my mom and I had a great dinner at the Esquire Grill before the concert. 

While all these activities have been fun, they've also been exhausting. The side effects of radiation are in full force. The fatigue I can handle, but the diarrhea is ridiculous. If your grossed out by me talking about poop, I recommend you get yourself a copy of the book "Everybody Poops" and get over it!  :-) The chemo causes constipation, so after four awful days of diarreah, I couldn't wait for chemo this Monday.  I took an Ativan (anti-anxiety med that is supposed to help me and my veins relax before chemo) so Diana took me to radiation and chemo on Monday.  No amount of Ativan could have relaxed my dehydrated veins. It took 2 nurses and 4 attempts to find a suitable vein.  Once we got a good line established, the rest of chemo was a breeze. Diana satisfied my breakfast craving with a Noah's bagel and strawberry smear while in the chemo chair! She also brought me lots of yummy snacks including Hershey kisses. Sweet snacks and lots of laughs made for a great Monday.  

My incision is still having some trouble healing. I can see staples trying to make their way to the surface. I'm sure the diarrhea isn't helping that either. I had the doctor put more steri-strip tape over the incision for my own piece of mind. It makes me feel like it holds the skin together more and if a staple does make its way out again, then the tape should help it not snag on my clothing. 

Unfortunately the fatigue and diarreah will last for the duration of treatment and can continue for 6-8 weeks past the conclusion of treatment. My original treatment plan was 5 weeks long. However due to the Thanksgiving holiday, I'll miss 2 radiation treatments since the offices are closed. That means I get a 6th chemo treatment.  Considering everything, I'm half way through and doing great.  No major plans this weekend, just keeping things low key and allowing my body to heal itself.  My poor mom is sick with a cold, so I've got to make sure she gets better and doesn't give it to me!!  I hope everyone is enjoying this fall weather as much as I am! To be cold is to be comfortable for me right now! 

XOXO Britni

Monday, October 31, 2011

Week 2 ~ Happy Halloween! 

I'm in the chemo chair for week 2 of treatment. My nurse is dressed up as Cruella Deville! She looks hilarious! My first chemo experience made me nervous for treatment today. The needle hurt going in ( how could it not?) and the fluids burned as they flushed thru. I have quite the bruise from last weeks poke. This time the whole experience is better. I'm only on the magnesium bag though. I still have an anti- nausea bag and the actual chemo left to drip in. My mom and I are entertaining ourselves by taking "photo booth" pictures on our iPads. There's nothing funnier than making yourself look like an idiot. 

The side effects of treatment haven't been that bad. A little nausea, mostly fatigue. The doctor's are careful to remind me that the side effects are cumulative and will reach their height at 3-4 weeks.  The only other uncomfortable side effect is the abdominal pain. I think that's still from the surgery. Some days my abs feel sore, some days they have sharp stabbing pains.  Each day is different. 

I've been staying busy visiting with friends, napping and the occasional Law and Order marathon.  My mom's birthday is this Friday and I'm taking her to see Jim Brickman. My brother flys in at 3 on Friday and my friends Xenia & Justin fly in that night too. Xenia & Justin are taking me to Napa on Saturday night.  The Doctors given the "ok" on a little wine tasting. It's going to be an exciting weekend. Now I just have to get thru week 2! 

I hope everyone is enjoying a happy and healthy Halloween! 

XOXO Britni

Monday, October 24, 2011

Day 1 is Done!

Day 1 went well! Chemo took a bit longer than expected, but I made it to Radiation on time. The toughest part of chemo was the IV. The needle is pretty long, but thin. They put it into a vein below my elbow. The cold fluids rushing in made my arm hurt. They put a warm compress and warm towel over the IV to relieve the discomfort.  At radiation, I had several x-rays and then the 5 minute treatment. I didn't sleep much last night and am more tired from the treatments. Glad my bed is ridiculously comfortable, I'm gonna be spending quite a bit of time in it!! 

XOXO Britni

Tick, Tock....

How quickly the time passes. I begin my chemotherapy and radiation tomorrow! One day shy of 6 weeks post-op. Even after a major surgery, post-op infection, countless doctors appointments and pills it still doesn't feel real. I'm anxious for everything to begin. My chemo treatments are every Monday morning. The radiation treatment times will be set-up at my first appointment. The radiation takes about 15 minutes, while the chemo takes 3 hours to complete. The type of chemo I'll be receiving is called Cisplatinum, which is derived from the metal platinum. Compared to other chemo regimens, it is a lower dose. Lucky for me, I shouldn't loose my hair (hot-damn!).

The major side effects of both the radiation and chemo are nausea and fatigue. There are plenty of other possible side effects, but I'm not going to focus on possibilities. Every persons  experience is unique, so who knows which rotten eggs will be thrown my way. I'm going to take it day by day- no expectations. If you know me well enough, you know this is not how I typically operate.  I'm very nervous to get the first treatments over with.

My mom has made sure I have all the remedies or relief aid I'll need. We have a medicine or something to help all the side effects that we can relieve on our own. Plus each week I'll check in with both my doctors to report side effects. There's a drug or cream or remedy for just about everything. My mom is also working from home now, so Nurse Nancy will be available to tend to her sick kid 24/7!  And yes, I know how lucky I am!! I'm grateful to have such a supportive family and friends!

In preparation for treatment I've been busy being a normal 26 year old in early retirement. My social calendar has been pretty active. Lunches, dinners, walks, trips to Bishop's pumpkin farm & Apple Hill, decorating for Halloween, carving pumpkins and a little retail therapy.

In between it all has been lots of laughs. When my mom had to work, my friend Diana took me to meet my chemo doctor. I had already been to the radiologists that morning for my first post-op exam and CT scan. They use a CT scan to design the radiation field. After the scan, the technician gave me 3 blue dot tattoos. One 2 inches above my belly button, and one on each hip. The tattoos are used to align my body and the radiation beams in the same spot every time. The freckle next to the one on my stomach is bigger than the tattoo. At one point in my chemo consult, the doctor excused himself to go get his hammer. I looked at Diana and said "Are you kidding me? Don't tell my mom what I've been doing today! First I got probed, then 3 tattoos and now I'm getting hammered?!"
I couldn't help but laugh when the doctor came back with his reflex hammer.

Yesterday my mom asked me why I haven't written on my blog. She asked if I was over it. My honest answer: I'm over cancer. I knew this was the last couple of weeks before chemo/rad that I would be feeling "normal" enough to act like I don't have cancer. Once treatment begins, you can't ignore the side effects or the visits to the doctor's offices. That time is drawing closer by the minute!

I was taken out for a delicious "last supper" tonight- hot wings, pizza, a glass of Pinot Noir and a cookie sundae at Chicago Fire. Now it's time for a good nights sleep!

XOXO, Britni

Monday, October 10, 2011

Music Heals My Soul

I'm still reeling from the golf tournament! I've had a big smile on my face ever since. It was so amazing to see everyone come together to help me. There really are not enough words to describe it. The total is staggering too. It is beyond a relief to know that I don't have to worry about excess medical costs, bills, etc during my treatment. All of my positive thoughts can focus on fighting this cancer.

I'm so lucky to have friends and family close by to keep me a active. I saw the movie 50/50 last weekend... Phenomenal. Highly recommend it to everyone. Bring your kleenex! The main character (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) did a great job of conveying  the real raw emotions of a cancer patient. I could definitely relate to several scenes. (Thank you Diana for the movie and popcorn!) I've had so many amazing conversations and lunch/ dinner dates with Sarah, Suzanne, Tracy, Diana and "phone dates" with Xenia in Philly. Yesterday I got to see my niece Brooke pitch during one of her softball games and enjoy my first post -op pizza slice. I'm finally getting somewhat of an appetite back. I get a few cravings here and there and can tolerate more normal foods now. I'm down 14 pounds on my cancer diet (trying to look at the upsides!) Not the ideal diet, but I'll take what I can get.

I thought it would be hard adjusting to not working... Wrong! There was an adjustment period, but I've been able to slow down my mind and relish the free time that I have. I thought I would be watching the minutes tick by but the days are flying by. I have either a lunch/dinner date  or doctor's appointment everyday this week, except Sunday.

My pain is very manageable now. I only took one Tylenol with Codeine this morning. I've finished all my antibiotics too. Now I only take vitamins on a regular basis. The other pills I take are on an "as needed" basis. My incision was having some problems healing. I shouldn't say was because I'm not out of the woods yet. After my surgery, the doctors used internal staples that dissolve in the body and steri-strips (they look like pieces of tape) to close me up. Unfortunately for me, my body is treating the staples like foreign objects and is pushing them out... This creates open holes in the skin. I currently have one at the top of my incision and two at the bottom. The biggest of the three was the size of a pencil eraser. I have to clean and cover the holes at least once a day. Let me rephrase... I shower and my mom treats and bandages the holes. I'm instantly nauseous when I see the holes. It's hard enough to have to shower and push them together. I have to try to squeeze out any secretions... I'm getting nauseous writing it! When my mom and I were at the doctor, they originally asked her to pack the holes with gauze.  One look at that and my mom almost hit the floor. After sipping on some grape juice and putting her head between her legs, we settled on the next best thing. They gave us some powder that helps dry up and seal the hole. It's been a little over a week since the holes opened and I'm happy to report they are healing well. (All gratitude goes to my mom!)

I met my radiation doctor on Friday and now have a tentative schedule set. I go in for a CT scan tomorrow then a pelvic exam on the 20th and the first treatment on the 24th of this month. The actual radiation process takes about 5-7 minutes. I will go Monday- Friday for 5 weeks (25 total treatments). My doctor is being careful to design a radiation path that will cause the least amount of damage/ scaring to my other organs. My final pathology results indicated that my cancer is spreading downward instead of upward like most cancers. The field of radiation  will run along the line of my lymphatic system. It will start just below my breasts and end at the bottom of my abdomen. All of the other organs in that area are at risk for certain side effects. I got a very helpful form that explains what side effects are common, rare and extremely rare. Most likely I will be a bit lethargic or nauseous. I could write a chapter about the other possible side effects, but I'm going to wait to see how my body responds. Of all the side effects, I have one that I'm terrified of, and unfortunately its somewhat inevitable.  I'm not ready to share that with everyone.  I've talked at length with my friends and doctors, but I've decided I shouldn't be worried about something that either won't be that bad or I can help reduce ( I know none of this makes sense but it will in a future post!) Lucky for me and my gas tank, radiation and chemo takes place in Roseville.

After my CT tomorrow I go back to Dr. Skilling (my oncologist) to check out my holes and incision. When I came home from the tournament last week, I noticed more white dots or staples. The doctor had reinforced those areas with new steri-strips. Mark my word, if I go in tomorrow and he says more staples have pushed out and he needs to pull them out... They are knocking me out and sewing that shit up. 

I meet my chemo doctor on Tuesday. From what I know right now, the chemo treatments will be every Monday for 4 hours. I will have 5 total chemo treatments. Another upside- I shouldn't lose my hair! The chemo is a lower dose than other forms . The purpose is to weaken my cancer cells so the radiation can kill them. I'll learn lots more on Tuesday I'm sure. The 26 year old in me wants to know when I can have a cocktail!
So where does this leave my eggs?? Unfortunately, in my body. I've decided not to pursue egg harvesting. This decision was not made lightly. I can tell you that it was my decision and I am confident in my decision. It's too risky for my own health. I'd rather be a healthy adoptive mom than a sick biological mom. My cancer is too aggressive and unpredictable to play around with my own health.  I'm already so tired of being poked and prodded too. Egg harvesting requires a couple of weeks of hormone shots to hyper stimulate your ovaries. When the ovaries are stimulated, the ovaries can be the size of baseballs or grapefruits. This would make my stomach expand. I can't imagine this happening when my incision is not closing properly! Gives me goose bumps thinking about it. After the radiation, my ovaries will turn into dead tissues. At that point I'll enter menopause and have the joy of taking hormone supplements for the rest of my long healthy life.

Enough medical mumbling for the day! Music heals my soul... It's a thought I can't get out of my head. I was generously gifted an iPod  Shuffle from the Dimick's. They pre-loaded it with the most incredible mix of uplifting, inspirational, fun songs that I LOVE!! I can't count how many songs I've downloaded since my diagnosis. Turning on my iPod on and tuning out the world gives me the opportunity to forget about my cancer and enjoy the music for a minute. I tend to get shocked back into reality when my toe tapping turns into dancing and I feel my stomach tighten.
It hasn't been hard to find a silver lining to cancer. That may sound weird, but I've had some really great things come out of one really crappy speed bump. I'm very excited for the week ahead of me. It's almost 1am... I better get to sleep so I can start enjoying it!  Oh, how could I forget, I'm almost done compiling the photos from my tournament!! I'll post that slideshow ASAP!
Thank you all again for your constant love and support!
XOXO Britni

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Best Day Ever!

Amazing, beautiful, thoughtful, emotional day. Best day ever. Thank you to everyone at Catta Verdera (colleagues, members, family). I am the luckiest girl in the world. I am so blessed to have such a large and compassionate support group of people around me. I've got a TON of pictures and stories to post. I'm feeling so much better. I thought I'd be tired after today, but I'm still wired. Thankfully I have the season premiere of Dexter to keep me busy back at home. (So anxious for my favorite serial killer vigalante to come back!) I'll be posting quite a bit this week to fill in the gaps from the last two weeks.

Thank you again to everyone at Catta Verdera, the members, the staff, the golfers, the friends, the relatives, the vendors and the donors who worked together to make this day my best day ever!

Love you all,
XOXO Britni

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Going home pt.2

It's safe to assume when I'm not posting, I'm not feeling good. The past two days were hell. I'm going home this morning and still don't feel great. Just wanted everyone to know I'm hanging in there. I'm not ready for visitors, but will post when I am. From what I know, Dodger is hanging in there too. I hope everyone is enjoying the first days of fall!
XOXO Britni

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Keeping my head up

I don't want to jinx anything, but I have been feeling much better since I threw up earlier. The nurse said I threw up the entire contents of my stomach. WOW! My mom helped me take a one handed shower (since my IV can't get wet). I feel SO much better now. Have you ever drank the milk after eating cocoa puffs? That's exactly what my Carnation instant breakfast tasted like. No one had to twist my arm to drink that. I've got a busy agenda for the night. The Fox News Google GOP debate at 6pm, baked potato for dinner and the season premier of Grey's Anatomy! If I'm still in good spirits Suz is going to sneak in and watch Grey's with me. It's our normal Thursday routine. Why let a hospital stay get in the way? I've also got to make a big lap around the wing tonight. My amazing nurse Lori (who has been amazing all day and is working 17 hours because of the strike) has promised me a great night's sleep with some good sleep aids. I'm ready for it!!
Dodger dog update: my brother came down from Washington today and will be staying with me for the weekend. He took Dodger to the vet to get her drains removed. She is doing great! Very resilient! He sent me a couple of pictures of her with her cone on. I needed a laugh like that. She is the sweetest best friend I've ever had. I'm glad my friends and family are taking care of my baby.
Looking forward to being home soon!
XOXO Britni

Ouch

Today is Thursday- 2 days into my stay. The doctor's are projecting that I'll be able to go home on Saturday. I've had a CT scan, chest x-ray and lots of blood work. I don't have an absess in my stomach and I also do not have a bowel obstruction. I also don't have pneumonia. I have an ileus or an impairment of intestinal motility. (google it). I have to be here until I don't have a fever for 2 days and my white blood cell count goes back to normal. My pain pills and bowl movements also have to reach a suitable agreement. I've been in a TON of pain during this stay. I've only felt relief twice, yesterday and today... After I threw up. Obviously not the best option for feeling better, but I'll take what I can get. I'm praying I can get out of here by Saturday. If your watching the news, you know about the nurses strike. Really doesn't have an affect on us inside. I'm still being well taken care of. I don't have any more energy to write. My brother comes down today to visit me for the weekend. Other than my immediate family, I ask that no one else visit me here. I'm in too much pain to entertain.
Dodger dog update- my little girl is doing well. My dad says she is healing great! My friend Erica will be taking care of Dodger in South Lake Tahoe for the next couple of months. Thank you to my dad, John and Erica for taking care of my doggie. I miss her so much and feel awful that I can't be there to do anything.
XOXO Britni

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Pain and Protocol

I'm settled into my single room (one thing to be thankful for) but I am stressed out by other factors. First, my pain is pretty bad. I asked them to wake me up every two hours to give me the IV pain meds. I'm taking the highest dose of this particular kind. If the pain doesn't subside then we will talk about morphine. I'm on the same floor as my first stay but a different wing now. They are not as attentive in this wing. The gentleman who I share a bathroom with sounds like he is giving birth on the toilet. I asked the nurses if they clean the bathroom in between patients. They said that's not protocol. There is something very unsettling about having to use the same restroom as another sick person. I already have an infection. I don't want to catch what he's hacking up in there! Our room won't seem to cool down either. The fan they have on the wall sounds like it has sticks between the spokes. On top of this stuff, my treatment plan is confusing. I've had a chest ex-ray and I'll be getting a CT scan in the morning. I had to push for the morning appointment. I wanted it tonight. I want to know what is going on and how to fix it. I'm sure I'm not the nurses favorite anymore. They switched my room so I would have my own bathroom. My eye lids are heavy now. Time to start my two hour of sleep time blocks.
XOXO Britni

Back to the Hospital

Had a 102 temperature fever today when my mom got home from work. Called the Nurse Practitioner and they asked me to come in. Went to Kaiser Morse Avenue for lab work and then to Pointe West to see the NP. My urine was clear so they don't think it is a kidney infection, but my white blood cell count is abnormally high. They are sending me back to Morse Avenue. I'm waiting for a bed to be set up and then we're off to admitting. I'm not sure what is going to happen next. More tests I guess. I also have a rash on my tummy. I'm in a lot of intermittent intense pain.
Dodger hasn't had a good day either. Long story short, we took her back to the original vet from yesterday. Her wounds were deeper than they appeared. The puncture on her leg tore all the muscles. Pat and my dad are going to pick her up and take care of her. I'm sure the total on that bill will round out to around $2200....
Not the best day for me or my doggie. Let's hope things can only go up from here!
XOXO Britni

Monday, September 19, 2011

Adjusting to home

I've been home since Saturday night and am still trying to adjust into a routine at my mom's. I spent most of the day in bed on Saturday and had a couple of family visitors. Suzanne came from downtown Sacramento the spend Sunday with me. We spent the better part of the day watching the Raider and Cowboys games. Suz is a from Texas so you can't give her crap for being a Cowboys fan! I love football and have not had a chance to sit down and watch a couple of games in years! There's another upside to my current predicament! Sarah stopped by before work and I also got to visit with several family members on Sunday afternoon, including my Grandpa Berner. I've really enjoyed being able to see so many family and friends.

I am the definition of an extrovert. Building a large network of friends and family around me is at the top pf my priority list right now. I don't do well when I'm isolated. I'm actually thankful for this disease in a way. A- I know I'm going to beat it and B- it gave me a wake-up call. I had been defining my life by my work. I didn't work on building or maintaining a work/life balance. Since my diagnosis, I've re-connected with more friends and family than I haven't spoken to in years. I want to keep the momentum going for as long as I can. If you can't come out of cancer being a better person, then you are not fighting hard enough.

Before I received my diagnosis, I had planned on moving across the country. While it is still something I want to do, I know that there is so much here for me to explore before I do. I think I lost the depth of my personal relationships. I spent so much time at work (self inflicted) that I couldn't have any depth in my personal relationships. Even with family. I'm so thankful for the family and friends that I have. I'm looking foward to spending these next few months rebuilding and growing the relationships I have. I don't know if this is making sense to anyone but myself, I am just so overwhelmed with the love and support from everyone.

Off my soap box! Time to talk about something a little more uncomfortable... I've already talked about Fairy Dust and how I succeeded in that challenge. Now it's on to a BM. If you don't know what that is, google it. Pain medications make you EXTREMELY backed up. Kaiser releases you from the hospital if you can pee and pass gas on your own. They don't require you to have a BM before you leave. You're left to enjoy that discomfort at home. The gas pains may have been bad, but this took the cake. My friends always have the best comments for me. Xenia let me know I should be ready to give birth to a baby through my butt. Pleasant sounding uh? I've got all the prune juice, prunes, raisins, milk of magnesia, stool softener, etc. that one person can handle. You get backed up from the surgery and the pain killers in the hospital and it continues with the pain meds at home. My back and abdomin are extremely swollen and bloated. Six days since being admitted to the hospital, I finally had a BM this morning. For as painful as it was, I wouldn't dare give up my pain pills. The incision site is far to sensitive to go without the pain pills. Just another milestone down, now it's on to the next. I hope I'm nearing the end of the awkward bodily function milestones! That's enough crap talk for one day.

In between visitors today, I received a scary phone call. My dog Dodger got in a dog fight with another dog today. My friend Nick took her to the vet (since of course I can't drive). The initial word on her wounds was that she may need some stitches. Once I spoke to the Veterinarian, she scared me with more "severe" sounding wounds and a potential vet bill of $2000. I could not get Dodger into her regular vet until tomorrow, so I had this vet bandage her up & give her some sedatives. Nick & my step mom Pat took her over to my dads to rest for the night. ( I don't have her here since I don't have a back yard). I am so thankful for Nick taking her in and calming me down. He gave me a more realistic picture of her wounds and also cleaned her up before the vet. She was in good hands from the begginning. Dodger has a chunk of her ear missing, and cuts on her front right and back right leg as well as on her snout. She knows and generally gets along with the other dog she fought with, but this time it went a little far. There's no one to blame, I'm just glad all parties are safe now. After Dodger gets back to 100% ( which will not take long), she'll be staying with my step sister's family. Yet another group of people that I am thankful for during this unexpected time in my life. So while I cried and freaked out earlier today, I believe she will be good as new in no time. She'll just have a bit more character to her, with that mini piece of her ear missing.

Overall, I'm adjusting well. I'm walking around the house easily and have found a comfortable way to sleep on my back at night. I've had a few moments where I let my emotions get the best of me, but my friends and family always cheer me up quickly.

That's all for tonight. I've introduced my mom to Tosh.O and I'm not sure what's funnier- the show or her reaction!

XOXO Britni

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Home Sweet Home

I'm finally home! Now I have to find my balance in a new space. I'm going to take today and tomorrow to get confortable at home. I'll post when I am ready for visitors. Thank you SO much for your continued love and support.
XOXO Britni

Stress Tears and Anxiety

My anxiety is on over drive this morning. I got the best sleep I've had since I got here, but I've been very anxious this morning. I was very nervous about the removal of my drain and catheter. I cried during both and have continued to cry throughout the morning. I'm ready to go home. The removal of the drain was not as bad as I had anticipated. The nurse gave me a dilauded IV pain killer to ease the pain.

Dr. Gould explained what he was doing so there wouldn't be any surprises. The opening where the drain was might leak for a couple of days, so they gave me extra bandages. The removal of the catheter came next. My nurse Bernadette also talked me through the process. Before they take the catheter out, they fill your bladder with 200 cc's of saline. After they remove it, they do a "void test." I had to urinate at least 100 cc's of the saline or else they put the catheter back in. I was elated to find out almost the full 200 came out. Bye, bye pee purse! I had the IV on my left hand removed. The one on the right will be removed just before I leave.
I also freaked out about a new line on my stomach. It's actually a blister. It could have been caused by tape or the binder I had on. The only reason why I noticed it was because my stomach itched. I lifted my gown to make sure I wasn't itching a band-aid or a steri strip. It's very bizarre looking.
The only thing holding up my release is the pharmacy. Once we get my meds, I'm out of here. I'm sitting here getting pampered by my mom and Suzi. My legs are tingly, so they're rubbing them to help increase the circulation. I don't know if I've said it before but, the Percocet makes me hallucinate a bit. When I close my eyes, I have very vivid hallucinations or a day dream. I see and hear people talking to me. I talk or answer back only to open my eyes and realize I'm alone. I'll write again when I'm finally home resting in my comfy quiet room.

My note of thanks for this post goes to Suzi and my mom for wiping away my tears and helping me calm down.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Up and down...

My whole day has been kind of rocky. The fairy dust mission was succesful. Even with some fairy dust, the pain did not subside. I've had really bad gas pains all day. The visitors I had today helped ease the pain. A little laughter is the best medicine. I've been given so many drugs that it's hard to remember everyone who has been here. My mom is helping me keep a tally. I think we are over the 30 mark now. We have been trying to take pictures with everyone who has visited, but I know I missed a few.

Chris, a very good family friend (and my brother's best friend) came to visit this evening. He is a Physician's Assistant at Sutter Memorial. He gave my mom and I lots of helpful tips. We now have some more educated questions to ask the doctor and he showed us a way for me to rotate my body in bed without hurting my abdomen. I've also got great advice from one of my bestie's Xenia. Xenia is a NICU nurse in Philadelphia. It's really nice having friends in the medical field to help you understand everything. I am very thankful for both them. Instead of the Percocet, I had two IV pain killers tonight. If I wake up in the middle of the night I can request the Percocet and ambien. Chris suggested I set an alarm on my phone to wake me up five hours from now. That way I can request the pain meds before the pain comes back. I'm sticking with that plan tonight.

Everyone cross your fingers for me tomorrow. They will remove my abdomen drain and catheter in the morning. If I don't urinate on my own after 2-3 hours, they put the catheter back in. I'm done lugging around a pee purse. I'm going to urinate on my own even if I pass out trying! It's time for another fun night in the noisy hospital. Hopefully the next time you see a blog post the title will read: Home Sweet Home!
XOXO Britni

Farts, Fairy Dust & Gas- oh my!

My life here in the hospital revolves around farts, fairy dust or gas. (there's a lot of pain meds involved too.) You choose what you want to call it, but the pain is all the same. During a visit with Suzanne last night, the excruiating pain started to kick in. This is not your run of the mill bad mexican food stomach ache! This pain is stomach wrenching, blanket gripping, screaming in terror pain. And all over a damn fart.

It's still the first question everyone asks when they come into my room. Dr. Gould, a second year resident who has been assigned to my case came by again this morning to check on me. He told me I should be prepared for a big one today. I loved my friend Sara's question she asked last night: " Did you ever think how well your day went would be judged by a fart?" haha! I certainly never thought about that until now. Since gas is the question of the day, everyone has a joke to share. I laugh and wince at all of them. I almost kicked my mom out of my room last night. She and I both couldn't stop laughing at a joke she made. It hurts to laugh so it took me awhile to calm down. I can't even repeat it now, it would make my abdomen hurt again. I giggle everytime I think about it.

My goals today are to eat more solid food, walk around every hour, drink a ton of water and of cousre let out some fairy dust. My dad stayed the night with me last night. He was a big help when I was wincing in pain. He'd rub my feet to take my mind off the the pain. I'm happy to report that my mom got a full night sleep last night too. I told her to go home and get some real sleep! My dad walked with me before he left for work. I took a spin around the dance floor by myself before my mom got here and then had my regular Starbucks oatmeal for breakfast. I walked again after breakfast, but couldn't make it very far. The Percocet had started to wear off. I was just at the 4 hour mark when I got back to my room.  My mom helped me wash down so I could change into pajamas. I'm sure the highlight of my day will be washing my hair later. The nurses understand how girls feel about dirty hair. They have some special cap that has water and shampoo in it. I'm still hooked up to too many things to take a real shower.

A social worker named Sara came to check on me this morning too. They want to make sure I am coping ok. I haven't cried the whole time I've been in here, but I started to weep when I was talking to her. She was very empathetic and gave me some support group names and websites she suggests.

I think it's important to recognize the good things that have come out of my diagnosis. Im going to begin to post things I am thankful for in each subsequent post. When I think about these things, it helps me focus on positive thoughts and an optimistic future. So here it goes, the upsides to cancer;
~ You find out how many people really care about you. I've received at least 100 emails, Facebook posts or text messages from friends wishing me the best and sending me prayers.
~ People actually offer to rub your feet and back! I'm taking full advantage of this! My feet are swollen and the narcotics I take make my skin itch.
~ You get to meet some amazing people. I have had nothing but great experiences with my nurses and doctors. They are all very sincere, genuine people. It's obvious that their patients health and comfort is their top priority.
~ You get your Dr.'s cell phone number! It makes it much easier to get your questions answered quickly!
~ You get lots of beautiful fresh flowers (which I love)
~ You get to take a bunch of naps and watch TV without people calling you a lazy bum.
That's a good start for today. I'm getting a little light headed. It's time for another nap and the Law & Order: SVU marathon.

XOXO Britni

P.s. I have lots of pictures to upload but I have to wait till I get home. The mobile function isn't working.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Happy girl

Today has been a GREAT day. I can almost get off the bed by myself. I've made 6 laps around the nurses station and sat up in a chair for most of the day. I had my mom and step mom look at my scar before I did. They were ecstatic, so I decided to peak. The scar looks like someone drew on me with a pen. I have internal dissolvable staples and strips of sterile tape holding the incision together on the outside. I am very pleased with the results. I hope it will continue to heal nicely. We found my magic drug today (i.e. Why I was a happy girl) - Percocet! It didn't take away my energy and allowed me to take several pain free walks.

Thank you again to those who have visited me! Eighteen people swung by my tiny single room today- a new record! I love the new flower arrangements and yummy chocolate candy. I'm on schedule for a regular diet tomorrow. I have no desire to eat. I had a cup of oatmeal, a jello cup and a cup of pasta today. I'm sure i'll have an appetite for chocolate tomorrow! On a positive note, I'm making great strides to get out of here on Saturday. Still waiting on the "fairy dust" to come thru. It's night 3 of my hospital stay and tonight I get an ambien. They will still wake me up every four hours for vitals, but I'll be able to fall back asleep easier. I've got 45 minutes before I get my night time meds. I was already stuck in the stomach with a solution that helps prevent blood clots. I get this shot twice a day. Stings like crazy!

Binder free

So much for sleeping! One of my doctors came in to talk to me about pain management and look at the incision site. He said all looks good. He took the binder (like a girdle) off too. Now that I don't have the tight binder around my stomach, it makes it easier to breath. I haven't tried to sit up or move without it on yet.
Here are today's goals; walk around the nurses station on four different occasions. Sit up in the chair next to my bed for at least 3 hours and pass gas. That's right, the first question everyone asks when they walk in the door is have you passed gas yet?? The answer is no, which means my bowels are still waking up. I'm sure I'll be excited to report my first gas post op...
The dressing around my incision has been removed. I'm too afraid to see my scar still. I don't know why or when I'll be ready, I just know it's not now. I'll report the progress on today's goals tonight. XOXO

Back to normal

I just got moved from the chair back to the bed. Thankfully I got a pain shot too. My temp is back to normal at 97.2. I strained some neck muscles trying to lift myself up and lay myself down. They put a heating pad on my neck and mom as been massaging the knot. I know I'm going to have lots of visitors today. So I better sleep these next 3 hours!

Fever

It's 4:30 in the morning again and I'm not sleeping well at all. I had a temperature of 100.8 at my first "vitals" check and a 101.2 temperature after the second check. The nurses helped me off the bed and on to a chair I'm supposed to sit in during the day time. My butt needed a break from the pressure of laying in bed. Laying in bed on my side puts me in annoncredible amount of pain. I prefer to sleep sitting up in this chair over being on my side in bed. They called the doctor to talk about my fever. I had 6 tubes of blood taken and a chest x-ray. I have to continue working on my breathing treatments as well. Even though I moved on to pain pills instead of the IV, the IV drugs still work better. IV drugs give me instant relief, but it doesn't last very long. The pills take 30-40 minutes to kick in, but should control the pain for a longer period of time. I prefer the combination of both. The nurses have been very accommodating and my mom is here to help me to. I can whisper that I feel nauseous and she let's the nurse know. It's hard for me to speak loudly. My mom has been a tremendous help. I feel bad that she is getting as much sleep as I am (little to none). At any rate, I'm very thankful to have her here. Time to close my eyes agin. XOXO

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Making progress

Thank you to all of the people who visited me today. Your smile and laughter was a much needed distraction. I sat up in a chair two different times today and took a lap around the nurses station once. I also have to do some breathing exercises to ward off pneumonia. I've moved on from an IV to clear liquids (two strawberry jello cups and 1/2 a bowl of chicken broth to be specific). Tomorrow I get to try heartier liquids. Hopefully I can mix in Jamba Juice or something like it. The more advanced my diet becomes and the more mobile I am, the quicker I get to go home. My IV drugs have been removed and I am on to pain pills. I just asked for an extra IV drug kick because the pain is still to intense. Hopefully the mixture of the new pain pills and an Ambein will make it easier for me to rest tonight. I still have to wear the compression pads on my calves. This keeps the blood flowing and helps prevent clots. Each time one of the pads compresses, it sends a rush of blood upward. This does not feel the best. Tomorrow I get the binder or girdle off of my stomach. The dressing from the incision site is also removed. I don't want to see my scar yet, I'm not ready.
I'm getting pretty tired now. I'm ready to doze off while enjoying my new pottery parn throw blanket (with my initials in purple- Thanks Suzanne!) and my warm purple socks (Thank you Sarah!) I'm also hopeful I'll get to enjoy some of the yummy tea the McCormick family brought.
Thank you again for your continued love and support. I'm excited to see a new crop of visitors.
XOXO

Post-op

It's 4:34am post-op. I woke up from my surgery to find out... I HAVE MY OVARIES STILL! The hope to freeze my eggs is still alive! I couldn't be happier about that and the fact that I have my own hospital room. My double vision stopped around 11:30pm last night. I'm in and out of sleep all the time. The pain this morning is intense. I think because things from yesterday are going away (anesthesia?). I control my pain meds with a push button that I can push every 10 minutes. The crappy part is there is not a continuos feed so when I fall asleep- no pain killer. That does not make for a pleasant awakening. In case you would like to visit, hours are from 9am-9pm and I am in room 4027. Can't keep my eyes open anymore- back to sleep!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Pre-op

I'm all hooked up and ready to go! I've got a nice Valium drip to keep me calm. My mom, dad, Pat and Sarah are in my pre-op room with me. I'm quite the rule breaker. I have 4 people in my room when they told me we can only have 2, I have fingernail and toenail polish on (which they said is against the rules) and I have some concealor on (again, no make-up rule). What a troublemaker! I brought my doctors some cliff bars in case they need some extra energy since I'm the second surgery of the day. All the nurses keep commenting on my surgical gown! They love it! Now it's just time to wait for the real thing. I should go up in 20-30 minutes. XOXO!

Today is the day!

We are officially on our way to the hospital. First I have to get one more blood test then it's off to admitting. My mom Nancy, dad Marc and step-mom Pat will all be by my side in pre-op. My brother Ryan, who lives in Pullman Washington will also be with me in spirit. I asked him to wait to visit until I am out of the hospital so we can spend time together at home. I've received lots of messages from family and friends this morning. All of which have either made me laugh or smile. Of course there are some tears this morning too. I'm trying to hold them back but I am nervous and scared. In case you didn't get to read my earlier posts, I'll be at Kaiser Morse Avenue in Sacramento. I will be in the hospital for 3-5 days. Any visitors are welcome. I'd enjoy the distraction! I'll try to post visiting hours, but if I can't, you can always call the hospitals information line. I should be in post-op by this evening. Love and hugs to all!

Monday, September 12, 2011

It's time!

     There's good news and bad news... The bad news is that the cancer has spread to one of my left pelvic lymph nodes. The good news is that I have a more definitive treatment plan and the surgery will take place tomorrow. I've actually found peace in the fact that I know what is going to happen now. I go in for Pre-op at Kaiser Morse Avenue tomorrow at 9:00am. My surgery is scheduled for 11:30am. My gynecogolic oncologist Dr. Skilling and my OB/GYN Dr. Azevedo will be performing the surgery. I trust both of my doctor's and know they have my best interest at heart. The surgery should last 3.5 to 4 hours. My cervix, uterus, the cancerous lymph node and several other lymph nodes will be removed. They will biopsy many lymph nodes to see how high the cancer has spread.
     At this point, there is still hope that I can keep my ovaries. If the doctor's sense something abnormal about my ovaries, they will remove them during the surgery as well. If all goes well, I will get to keep my ovaries for a bit. It takes 6-8 weeks to heal from the hysterectomy. If I have my ovaries, after I heal, I can try to stimulate my ovaries and remove eggs to freeze. The entire egg retrieval process takes 3-4 weeks. Then before I begin chemo and radiation, they would laparoscopically remove the ovaries. My chemo and radiation will run concurrently. They are positive that I have to have both since the cancer is present in my lymph node. To chemo standards, my chemo will be a lower does than other patients (with different cancers) receive. Chemo will take place once a week for 5 weeks. The radiation will be 5 days a week for 5 weeks. Each radiation treatment is only 10-15 minutes long (at least that's what I've been told at this point).
     I spent the better half of my day getting a manicure and pedicure with my mom, throwing the ball for Dodger dog at the park and having dinner with my dad and family. My step-mom and niece made me homemade berry ice cream which was delicious. The entire dinner was a great "pre surgery supper" and I'm sure I ate way too much.  I also picked up my custom surgical gowns! Thanks to the super crafty Tracy McC. I will be the most stylish cancer patient in the hospital. (check my photos for a preview!)
My mom or I will blog tomorrow after the surgery. We will let everyone know what the visiting hours are. Any one who wants to visit is more than welcome to come on down. I'd enjoy the distraction. I'll also be enjoying the sedative cocktails they'll be giving me!
     Thank you all for your comments and prayers. Please put both Dr. Azevedo and Dr. Skilling in your prayers tonight, they need to be on top of their game to tomorrow!
XOXO
Britni