Going home pt.2

It's safe to assume when I'm not posting, I'm not feeling good. The past two days were hell. I'm going home this morning and still don't feel great. Just wanted everyone to know I'm hanging in there. I'm not ready for visitors, but will post when I am. From what I know, Dodger is hanging in there too. I hope everyone is enjoying the first days of fall!
XOXO Britni

Keeping my head up

I don't want to jinx anything, but I have been feeling much better since I threw up earlier. The nurse said I threw up the entire contents of my stomach. WOW! My mom helped me take a one handed shower (since my IV can't get wet). I feel SO much better now. Have you ever drank the milk after eating cocoa puffs? That's exactly what my Carnation instant breakfast tasted like. No one had to twist my arm to drink that. I've got a busy agenda for the night. The Fox News Google GOP debate at 6pm, baked potato for dinner and the season premier of Grey's Anatomy! If I'm still in good spirits Suz is going to sneak in and watch Grey's with me. It's our normal Thursday routine. Why let a hospital stay get in the way? I've also got to make a big lap around the wing tonight. My amazing nurse Lori (who has been amazing all day and is working 17 hours because of the strike) has promised me a great night's sleep with some good sleep aids. I'm ready for it!!
Dodger dog update: my brother came down from Washington today and will be staying with me for the weekend. He took Dodger to the vet to get her drains removed. She is doing great! Very resilient! He sent me a couple of pictures of her with her cone on. I needed a laugh like that. She is the sweetest best friend I've ever had. I'm glad my friends and family are taking care of my baby.
Looking forward to being home soon!
XOXO Britni

Ouch

Today is Thursday- 2 days into my stay. The doctor's are projecting that I'll be able to go home on Saturday. I've had a CT scan, chest x-ray and lots of blood work. I don't have an absess in my stomach and I also do not have a bowel obstruction. I also don't have pneumonia. I have an ileus or an impairment of intestinal motility. (google it). I have to be here until I don't have a fever for 2 days and my white blood cell count goes back to normal. My pain pills and bowl movements also have to reach a suitable agreement. I've been in a TON of pain during this stay. I've only felt relief twice, yesterday and today... After I threw up. Obviously not the best option for feeling better, but I'll take what I can get. I'm praying I can get out of here by Saturday. If your watching the news, you know about the nurses strike. Really doesn't have an affect on us inside. I'm still being well taken care of. I don't have any more energy to write. My brother comes down today to visit me for the weekend. Other than my immediate family, I ask that no one else visit me here. I'm in too much pain to entertain.
Dodger dog update- my little girl is doing well. My dad says she is healing great! My friend Erica will be taking care of Dodger in South Lake Tahoe for the next couple of months. Thank you to my dad, John and Erica for taking care of my doggie. I miss her so much and feel awful that I can't be there to do anything.
XOXO Britni

Pain and Protocol

I'm settled into my single room (one thing to be thankful for) but I am stressed out by other factors. First, my pain is pretty bad. I asked them to wake me up every two hours to give me the IV pain meds. I'm taking the highest dose of this particular kind. If the pain doesn't subside then we will talk about morphine. I'm on the same floor as my first stay but a different wing now. They are not as attentive in this wing. The gentleman who I share a bathroom with sounds like he is giving birth on the toilet. I asked the nurses if they clean the bathroom in between patients. They said that's not protocol. There is something very unsettling about having to use the same restroom as another sick person. I already have an infection. I don't want to catch what he's hacking up in there! Our room won't seem to cool down either. The fan they have on the wall sounds like it has sticks between the spokes. On top of this stuff, my treatment plan is confusing. I've had a chest ex-ray and I'll be getting a CT scan in the morning. I had to push for the morning appointment. I wanted it tonight. I want to know what is going on and how to fix it. I'm sure I'm not the nurses favorite anymore. They switched my room so I would have my own bathroom. My eye lids are heavy now. Time to start my two hour of sleep time blocks.
XOXO Britni

Back to the Hospital

Had a 102 temperature fever today when my mom got home from work. Called the Nurse Practitioner and they asked me to come in. Went to Kaiser Morse Avenue for lab work and then to Pointe West to see the NP. My urine was clear so they don't think it is a kidney infection, but my white blood cell count is abnormally high. They are sending me back to Morse Avenue. I'm waiting for a bed to be set up and then we're off to admitting. I'm not sure what is going to happen next. More tests I guess. I also have a rash on my tummy. I'm in a lot of intermittent intense pain.
Dodger hasn't had a good day either. Long story short, we took her back to the original vet from yesterday. Her wounds were deeper than they appeared. The puncture on her leg tore all the muscles. Pat and my dad are going to pick her up and take care of her. I'm sure the total on that bill will round out to around $2200....
Not the best day for me or my doggie. Let's hope things can only go up from here!
XOXO Britni

Adjusting to home

I've been home since Saturday night and am still trying to adjust into a routine at my mom's. I spent most of the day in bed on Saturday and had a couple of family visitors. Suzanne came from downtown Sacramento the spend Sunday with me. We spent the better part of the day watching the Raider and Cowboys games. Suz is a from Texas so you can't give her crap for being a Cowboys fan! I love football and have not had a chance to sit down and watch a couple of games in years! There's another upside to my current predicament! Sarah stopped by before work and I also got to visit with several family members on Sunday afternoon, including my Grandpa Berner. I've really enjoyed being able to see so many family and friends.

I am the definition of an extrovert. Building a large network of friends and family around me is at the top pf my priority list right now. I don't do well when I'm isolated. I'm actually thankful for this disease in a way. A- I know I'm going to beat it and B- it gave me a wake-up call. I had been defining my life by my work. I didn't work on building or maintaining a work/life balance. Since my diagnosis, I've re-connected with more friends and family than I haven't spoken to in years. I want to keep the momentum going for as long as I can. If you can't come out of cancer being a better person, then you are not fighting hard enough.

Before I received my diagnosis, I had planned on moving across the country. While it is still something I want to do, I know that there is so much here for me to explore before I do. I think I lost the depth of my personal relationships. I spent so much time at work (self inflicted) that I couldn't have any depth in my personal relationships. Even with family. I'm so thankful for the family and friends that I have. I'm looking foward to spending these next few months rebuilding and growing the relationships I have. I don't know if this is making sense to anyone but myself, I am just so overwhelmed with the love and support from everyone.

Off my soap box! Time to talk about something a little more uncomfortable... I've already talked about Fairy Dust and how I succeeded in that challenge. Now it's on to a BM. If you don't know what that is, google it. Pain medications make you EXTREMELY backed up. Kaiser releases you from the hospital if you can pee and pass gas on your own. They don't require you to have a BM before you leave. You're left to enjoy that discomfort at home. The gas pains may have been bad, but this took the cake. My friends always have the best comments for me. Xenia let me know I should be ready to give birth to a baby through my butt. Pleasant sounding uh? I've got all the prune juice, prunes, raisins, milk of magnesia, stool softener, etc. that one person can handle. You get backed up from the surgery and the pain killers in the hospital and it continues with the pain meds at home. My back and abdomin are extremely swollen and bloated. Six days since being admitted to the hospital, I finally had a BM this morning. For as painful as it was, I wouldn't dare give up my pain pills. The incision site is far to sensitive to go without the pain pills. Just another milestone down, now it's on to the next. I hope I'm nearing the end of the awkward bodily function milestones! That's enough crap talk for one day.

In between visitors today, I received a scary phone call. My dog Dodger got in a dog fight with another dog today. My friend Nick took her to the vet (since of course I can't drive). The initial word on her wounds was that she may need some stitches. Once I spoke to the Veterinarian, she scared me with more "severe" sounding wounds and a potential vet bill of $2000. I could not get Dodger into her regular vet until tomorrow, so I had this vet bandage her up & give her some sedatives. Nick & my step mom Pat took her over to my dads to rest for the night. ( I don't have her here since I don't have a back yard). I am so thankful for Nick taking her in and calming me down. He gave me a more realistic picture of her wounds and also cleaned her up before the vet. She was in good hands from the begginning. Dodger has a chunk of her ear missing, and cuts on her front right and back right leg as well as on her snout. She knows and generally gets along with the other dog she fought with, but this time it went a little far. There's no one to blame, I'm just glad all parties are safe now. After Dodger gets back to 100% ( which will not take long), she'll be staying with my step sister's family. Yet another group of people that I am thankful for during this unexpected time in my life. So while I cried and freaked out earlier today, I believe she will be good as new in no time. She'll just have a bit more character to her, with that mini piece of her ear missing.

Overall, I'm adjusting well. I'm walking around the house easily and have found a comfortable way to sleep on my back at night. I've had a few moments where I let my emotions get the best of me, but my friends and family always cheer me up quickly.

That's all for tonight. I've introduced my mom to Tosh.O and I'm not sure what's funnier- the show or her reaction!

XOXO Britni

Home Sweet Home

I'm finally home! Now I have to find my balance in a new space. I'm going to take today and tomorrow to get confortable at home. I'll post when I am ready for visitors. Thank you SO much for your continued love and support.
XOXO Britni

Stress Tears and Anxiety

My anxiety is on over drive this morning. I got the best sleep I've had since I got here, but I've been very anxious this morning. I was very nervous about the removal of my drain and catheter. I cried during both and have continued to cry throughout the morning. I'm ready to go home. The removal of the drain was not as bad as I had anticipated. The nurse gave me a dilauded IV pain killer to ease the pain.

Dr. Gould explained what he was doing so there wouldn't be any surprises. The opening where the drain was might leak for a couple of days, so they gave me extra bandages. The removal of the catheter came next. My nurse Bernadette also talked me through the process. Before they take the catheter out, they fill your bladder with 200 cc's of saline. After they remove it, they do a "void test." I had to urinate at least 100 cc's of the saline or else they put the catheter back in. I was elated to find out almost the full 200 came out. Bye, bye pee purse! I had the IV on my left hand removed. The one on the right will be removed just before I leave.
I also freaked out about a new line on my stomach. It's actually a blister. It could have been caused by tape or the binder I had on. The only reason why I noticed it was because my stomach itched. I lifted my gown to make sure I wasn't itching a band-aid or a steri strip. It's very bizarre looking.
The only thing holding up my release is the pharmacy. Once we get my meds, I'm out of here. I'm sitting here getting pampered by my mom and Suzi. My legs are tingly, so they're rubbing them to help increase the circulation. I don't know if I've said it before but, the Percocet makes me hallucinate a bit. When I close my eyes, I have very vivid hallucinations or a day dream. I see and hear people talking to me. I talk or answer back only to open my eyes and realize I'm alone. I'll write again when I'm finally home resting in my comfy quiet room.

My note of thanks for this post goes to Suzi and my mom for wiping away my tears and helping me calm down.

Up and down...

My whole day has been kind of rocky. The fairy dust mission was succesful. Even with some fairy dust, the pain did not subside. I've had really bad gas pains all day. The visitors I had today helped ease the pain. A little laughter is the best medicine. I've been given so many drugs that it's hard to remember everyone who has been here. My mom is helping me keep a tally. I think we are over the 30 mark now. We have been trying to take pictures with everyone who has visited, but I know I missed a few.

Chris, a very good family friend (and my brother's best friend) came to visit this evening. He is a Physician's Assistant at Sutter Memorial. He gave my mom and I lots of helpful tips. We now have some more educated questions to ask the doctor and he showed us a way for me to rotate my body in bed without hurting my abdomen. I've also got great advice from one of my bestie's Xenia. Xenia is a NICU nurse in Philadelphia. It's really nice having friends in the medical field to help you understand everything. I am very thankful for both them. Instead of the Percocet, I had two IV pain killers tonight. If I wake up in the middle of the night I can request the Percocet and ambien. Chris suggested I set an alarm on my phone to wake me up five hours from now. That way I can request the pain meds before the pain comes back. I'm sticking with that plan tonight.

Everyone cross your fingers for me tomorrow. They will remove my abdomen drain and catheter in the morning. If I don't urinate on my own after 2-3 hours, they put the catheter back in. I'm done lugging around a pee purse. I'm going to urinate on my own even if I pass out trying! It's time for another fun night in the noisy hospital. Hopefully the next time you see a blog post the title will read: Home Sweet Home!
XOXO Britni

Farts, Fairy Dust & Gas- oh my!

My life here in the hospital revolves around farts, fairy dust or gas. (there's a lot of pain meds involved too.) You choose what you want to call it, but the pain is all the same. During a visit with Suzanne last night, the excruiating pain started to kick in. This is not your run of the mill bad mexican food stomach ache! This pain is stomach wrenching, blanket gripping, screaming in terror pain. And all over a damn fart.

It's still the first question everyone asks when they come into my room. Dr. Gould, a second year resident who has been assigned to my case came by again this morning to check on me. He told me I should be prepared for a big one today. I loved my friend Sara's question she asked last night: " Did you ever think how well your day went would be judged by a fart?" haha! I certainly never thought about that until now. Since gas is the question of the day, everyone has a joke to share. I laugh and wince at all of them. I almost kicked my mom out of my room last night. She and I both couldn't stop laughing at a joke she made. It hurts to laugh so it took me awhile to calm down. I can't even repeat it now, it would make my abdomen hurt again. I giggle everytime I think about it.

My goals today are to eat more solid food, walk around every hour, drink a ton of water and of cousre let out some fairy dust. My dad stayed the night with me last night. He was a big help when I was wincing in pain. He'd rub my feet to take my mind off the the pain. I'm happy to report that my mom got a full night sleep last night too. I told her to go home and get some real sleep! My dad walked with me before he left for work. I took a spin around the dance floor by myself before my mom got here and then had my regular Starbucks oatmeal for breakfast. I walked again after breakfast, but couldn't make it very far. The Percocet had started to wear off. I was just at the 4 hour mark when I got back to my room.  My mom helped me wash down so I could change into pajamas. I'm sure the highlight of my day will be washing my hair later. The nurses understand how girls feel about dirty hair. They have some special cap that has water and shampoo in it. I'm still hooked up to too many things to take a real shower.

A social worker named Sara came to check on me this morning too. They want to make sure I am coping ok. I haven't cried the whole time I've been in here, but I started to weep when I was talking to her. She was very empathetic and gave me some support group names and websites she suggests.

I think it's important to recognize the good things that have come out of my diagnosis. Im going to begin to post things I am thankful for in each subsequent post. When I think about these things, it helps me focus on positive thoughts and an optimistic future. So here it goes, the upsides to cancer;
~ You find out how many people really care about you. I've received at least 100 emails, Facebook posts or text messages from friends wishing me the best and sending me prayers.
~ People actually offer to rub your feet and back! I'm taking full advantage of this! My feet are swollen and the narcotics I take make my skin itch.
~ You get to meet some amazing people. I have had nothing but great experiences with my nurses and doctors. They are all very sincere, genuine people. It's obvious that their patients health and comfort is their top priority.
~ You get your Dr.'s cell phone number! It makes it much easier to get your questions answered quickly!
~ You get lots of beautiful fresh flowers (which I love)
~ You get to take a bunch of naps and watch TV without people calling you a lazy bum.
That's a good start for today. I'm getting a little light headed. It's time for another nap and the Law & Order: SVU marathon.

XOXO Britni

P.s. I have lots of pictures to upload but I have to wait till I get home. The mobile function isn't working.

Happy girl

Today has been a GREAT day. I can almost get off the bed by myself. I've made 6 laps around the nurses station and sat up in a chair for most of the day. I had my mom and step mom look at my scar before I did. They were ecstatic, so I decided to peak. The scar looks like someone drew on me with a pen. I have internal dissolvable staples and strips of sterile tape holding the incision together on the outside. I am very pleased with the results. I hope it will continue to heal nicely. We found my magic drug today (i.e. Why I was a happy girl) - Percocet! It didn't take away my energy and allowed me to take several pain free walks.

Thank you again to those who have visited me! Eighteen people swung by my tiny single room today- a new record! I love the new flower arrangements and yummy chocolate candy. I'm on schedule for a regular diet tomorrow. I have no desire to eat. I had a cup of oatmeal, a jello cup and a cup of pasta today. I'm sure i'll have an appetite for chocolate tomorrow! On a positive note, I'm making great strides to get out of here on Saturday. Still waiting on the "fairy dust" to come thru. It's night 3 of my hospital stay and tonight I get an ambien. They will still wake me up every four hours for vitals, but I'll be able to fall back asleep easier. I've got 45 minutes before I get my night time meds. I was already stuck in the stomach with a solution that helps prevent blood clots. I get this shot twice a day. Stings like crazy!

Binder free

So much for sleeping! One of my doctors came in to talk to me about pain management and look at the incision site. He said all looks good. He took the binder (like a girdle) off too. Now that I don't have the tight binder around my stomach, it makes it easier to breath. I haven't tried to sit up or move without it on yet.
Here are today's goals; walk around the nurses station on four different occasions. Sit up in the chair next to my bed for at least 3 hours and pass gas. That's right, the first question everyone asks when they walk in the door is have you passed gas yet?? The answer is no, which means my bowels are still waking up. I'm sure I'll be excited to report my first gas post op...
The dressing around my incision has been removed. I'm too afraid to see my scar still. I don't know why or when I'll be ready, I just know it's not now. I'll report the progress on today's goals tonight. XOXO

Back to normal

I just got moved from the chair back to the bed. Thankfully I got a pain shot too. My temp is back to normal at 97.2. I strained some neck muscles trying to lift myself up and lay myself down. They put a heating pad on my neck and mom as been massaging the knot. I know I'm going to have lots of visitors today. So I better sleep these next 3 hours!

Fever

It's 4:30 in the morning again and I'm not sleeping well at all. I had a temperature of 100.8 at my first "vitals" check and a 101.2 temperature after the second check. The nurses helped me off the bed and on to a chair I'm supposed to sit in during the day time. My butt needed a break from the pressure of laying in bed. Laying in bed on my side puts me in annoncredible amount of pain. I prefer to sleep sitting up in this chair over being on my side in bed. They called the doctor to talk about my fever. I had 6 tubes of blood taken and a chest x-ray. I have to continue working on my breathing treatments as well. Even though I moved on to pain pills instead of the IV, the IV drugs still work better. IV drugs give me instant relief, but it doesn't last very long. The pills take 30-40 minutes to kick in, but should control the pain for a longer period of time. I prefer the combination of both. The nurses have been very accommodating and my mom is here to help me to. I can whisper that I feel nauseous and she let's the nurse know. It's hard for me to speak loudly. My mom has been a tremendous help. I feel bad that she is getting as much sleep as I am (little to none). At any rate, I'm very thankful to have her here. Time to close my eyes agin. XOXO

Making progress

Thank you to all of the people who visited me today. Your smile and laughter was a much needed distraction. I sat up in a chair two different times today and took a lap around the nurses station once. I also have to do some breathing exercises to ward off pneumonia. I've moved on from an IV to clear liquids (two strawberry jello cups and 1/2 a bowl of chicken broth to be specific). Tomorrow I get to try heartier liquids. Hopefully I can mix in Jamba Juice or something like it. The more advanced my diet becomes and the more mobile I am, the quicker I get to go home. My IV drugs have been removed and I am on to pain pills. I just asked for an extra IV drug kick because the pain is still to intense. Hopefully the mixture of the new pain pills and an Ambein will make it easier for me to rest tonight. I still have to wear the compression pads on my calves. This keeps the blood flowing and helps prevent clots. Each time one of the pads compresses, it sends a rush of blood upward. This does not feel the best. Tomorrow I get the binder or girdle off of my stomach. The dressing from the incision site is also removed. I don't want to see my scar yet, I'm not ready.
I'm getting pretty tired now. I'm ready to doze off while enjoying my new pottery parn throw blanket (with my initials in purple- Thanks Suzanne!) and my warm purple socks (Thank you Sarah!) I'm also hopeful I'll get to enjoy some of the yummy tea the McCormick family brought.
Thank you again for your continued love and support. I'm excited to see a new crop of visitors.
XOXO

Post-op

It's 4:34am post-op. I woke up from my surgery to find out... I HAVE MY OVARIES STILL! The hope to freeze my eggs is still alive! I couldn't be happier about that and the fact that I have my own hospital room. My double vision stopped around 11:30pm last night. I'm in and out of sleep all the time. The pain this morning is intense. I think because things from yesterday are going away (anesthesia?). I control my pain meds with a push button that I can push every 10 minutes. The crappy part is there is not a continuos feed so when I fall asleep- no pain killer. That does not make for a pleasant awakening. In case you would like to visit, hours are from 9am-9pm and I am in room 4027. Can't keep my eyes open anymore- back to sleep!

Pre-op

I'm all hooked up and ready to go! I've got a nice Valium drip to keep me calm. My mom, dad, Pat and Sarah are in my pre-op room with me. I'm quite the rule breaker. I have 4 people in my room when they told me we can only have 2, I have fingernail and toenail polish on (which they said is against the rules) and I have some concealor on (again, no make-up rule). What a troublemaker! I brought my doctors some cliff bars in case they need some extra energy since I'm the second surgery of the day. All the nurses keep commenting on my surgical gown! They love it! Now it's just time to wait for the real thing. I should go up in 20-30 minutes. XOXO!

Today is the day!

We are officially on our way to the hospital. First I have to get one more blood test then it's off to admitting. My mom Nancy, dad Marc and step-mom Pat will all be by my side in pre-op. My brother Ryan, who lives in Pullman Washington will also be with me in spirit. I asked him to wait to visit until I am out of the hospital so we can spend time together at home. I've received lots of messages from family and friends this morning. All of which have either made me laugh or smile. Of course there are some tears this morning too. I'm trying to hold them back but I am nervous and scared. In case you didn't get to read my earlier posts, I'll be at Kaiser Morse Avenue in Sacramento. I will be in the hospital for 3-5 days. Any visitors are welcome. I'd enjoy the distraction! I'll try to post visiting hours, but if I can't, you can always call the hospitals information line. I should be in post-op by this evening. Love and hugs to all!

It's time!

     There's good news and bad news... The bad news is that the cancer has spread to one of my left pelvic lymph nodes. The good news is that I have a more definitive treatment plan and the surgery will take place tomorrow. I've actually found peace in the fact that I know what is going to happen now. I go in for Pre-op at Kaiser Morse Avenue tomorrow at 9:00am. My surgery is scheduled for 11:30am. My gynecogolic oncologist Dr. Skilling and my OB/GYN Dr. Azevedo will be performing the surgery. I trust both of my doctor's and know they have my best interest at heart. The surgery should last 3.5 to 4 hours. My cervix, uterus, the cancerous lymph node and several other lymph nodes will be removed. They will biopsy many lymph nodes to see how high the cancer has spread.
     At this point, there is still hope that I can keep my ovaries. If the doctor's sense something abnormal about my ovaries, they will remove them during the surgery as well. If all goes well, I will get to keep my ovaries for a bit. It takes 6-8 weeks to heal from the hysterectomy. If I have my ovaries, after I heal, I can try to stimulate my ovaries and remove eggs to freeze. The entire egg retrieval process takes 3-4 weeks. Then before I begin chemo and radiation, they would laparoscopically remove the ovaries. My chemo and radiation will run concurrently. They are positive that I have to have both since the cancer is present in my lymph node. To chemo standards, my chemo will be a lower does than other patients (with different cancers) receive. Chemo will take place once a week for 5 weeks. The radiation will be 5 days a week for 5 weeks. Each radiation treatment is only 10-15 minutes long (at least that's what I've been told at this point).
     I spent the better half of my day getting a manicure and pedicure with my mom, throwing the ball for Dodger dog at the park and having dinner with my dad and family. My step-mom and niece made me homemade berry ice cream which was delicious. The entire dinner was a great "pre surgery supper" and I'm sure I ate way too much.  I also picked up my custom surgical gowns! Thanks to the super crafty Tracy McC. I will be the most stylish cancer patient in the hospital. (check my photos for a preview!)
My mom or I will blog tomorrow after the surgery. We will let everyone know what the visiting hours are. Any one who wants to visit is more than welcome to come on down. I'd enjoy the distraction. I'll also be enjoying the sedative cocktails they'll be giving me!
     Thank you all for your comments and prayers. Please put both Dr. Azevedo and Dr. Skilling in your prayers tonight, they need to be on top of their game to tomorrow!
XOXO
Britni