Shock, anger, grief, sadness... Just a few of the emotions raging thru my body right now.
As it stands, Surgery is not an option. The risk of bleeding is too high and the tumors are too close to my spine and arteries. On to chemo I go. I'll be on the TAP plan- Taxol, Adriamycin & Carboplatin. I meet with my medical oncologist this week to find out more about the regimen.
I'll start with 3 cycles of chemo and then get another PET scan to determine what's next. Why so angry about a little more chemo? Here's the 3 possible scenarios for this treatment:
1. Best Case Scenario: After 3 treatments, the tumors completely shrink and I complete 3-5 more chemo cycles
2: The tumors shrink enough for the surgery to take place. After 4-6 weeks of recovery, I would finish 3-5 more cycles of chemo.
And then there is scenario 3. The words I thought I would NEVER EVER hear in my life. The tumors do not respond and surgery is still too risky. "We'll make you as comfortable as we can to live with the cancer".... F#@k
I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally. My back pain is intensifying. My family and friends all want to see me and talk to me and it's just too much. I worked all week trying to stay busy and haven't given myself enough time to process it. I'm laying here in a quiet empty house while Nick is at work. Finally able to openly cry without having to wipe my tears away because I'm at work or out in public. I need more time to sob. More time to breath this new challenge in.
I booked a trip for Disneyland this coming weekend. Nicholas, Nick's son, has never been. I want to share in those memories and I want to have hair in the pictures.
I don't know what else to say right now. I'm just overwhelmed and speechless in some ways. I've got my dogs to cuddle with, a box of tissues and am ready for bed.
I do need to thank everyone for their well wishes and prayers. I've got your messages and texts, I'm just not ready to talk about it all yet. Thank your for your patience and understanding.
XOXO Britni
Praying for you Britni all the TIME and constantly thinking of you! I don't know if you remember me from our college English class, but I will never forget you! I was so happy you were in our group, lets just say you were always on top of your game. On another note: My mom had anal cancer a few years a go, the tumor she had was huge. The doctors all kind of looked at her like they didn't know what to say. My mom had your attitude and today the doctors call her a walking miracle. Just keep believing, you are going to fight this. I will get back to you with a book that really helped my mom through everything, I forgot the title and author. Highly Recommended!
ReplyDeletexoxoxo
ReplyDeleteHey Brit! I know its been way to long since we talked but I think of you often. Ashley shared you're blog with me.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to share a good example of senerio one to help you stay positive! The father of a close college friend of mine was recently diagnosed with heart cancer. It was a total shock. No warning signs, just a routine physical and BOOM three tumors in his heart. They could not do surgery because of the location. He did a strong chemo treatment that I'm assuming is similar to what you will have. Long story short ... the treatments shrunk all three tumors to the point they consider them gone. Poof! Cancer free! He did lose all his hair and felt flu like symptoms but still managed to work as a large animal vet throughout the whole treatment pushing cows around all day at dairy farms.
My point is... stay positive. This can work. If anyone will be the one to beat cancer, its gonna be you!
My prayers are with you. If you need anything at all just ask :)
I love you sister. Just know you are not alone in this struggle. If you ever need anything, please just ask. I am here for you always as are many others I am sure.
ReplyDeleteHi I’m Heather! Please email me, I have a question about your blog! LifesABanquet1(at)gmail.com
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